


The Point of It All

by ndavis81



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Female Character of Color, Renegade Shepard (Mass Effect)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-23 01:36:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10709391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndavis81/pseuds/ndavis81
Summary: She thought that she'd never need anyone. She'd been alone since she was sixteen, and that was the way she liked it. Then, one shakedown cruise changes everything...This story will follow the events of Mass Effect 1 through 3. Mostly Renegade Shepard, but with some Paragon options.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> First off, let me say that I own nothing and no one from the Mass Effect universe. I will use some of the dialogue from the video games, but I will add things from time to time to flesh out my own head canon of the series. This is my first fanfic, so I am open to any and all constructive criticism, but please don't be TOO harsh. Also, I don't have a beta, so if you see any mistakes, please let me know. I hope that you enjoy going on this journey with me.

2183 – Arcturus Station

 

Forty minutes on the station and she was already looking forward to when she could leave. Politics were never Shepard’s strong suit, and here, at Arcturus Station, the headquarters of the Alliance Navy, it seemed like politics and political bullshit was the lay of the land. 

_If I have to salute one more posturing blowhard, I’m gonna lose it,_ she thought as she walked to her temporary quarters. She heard whispers as she walked, and barely kept herself from rolling her eyes. The Butcher of Torfan, they called her, as if she was a bogeyman that featured in their kids’ ghost stories. The Alliance was both afraid of her “ruthlessness” and depended on it when they needed something taken care of. She didn’t really mind it, she enjoyed being relied upon sometimes, but she wished that it would come with a little less rumor and speculation from strangers every time she stepped foot on a station.

Squaring her shoulders, she decided to ignore it, and walked to her destination (and if she stared some of the most obvious gossips down as she did, well, who could blame her) when she heard her name being called. She turned around, ready to endure another boring conversation when she caught sight of who was hailing her.

“Captain Anderson! What are you doing here?” she asked as she saluted him. Finally, someone she wanted to see. Captain Anderson had been her mentor since she had been that mixed up, angry sixteen-year-old from Mindoir. Seeing him now was a relief, and he gestured for her to follow him as he walked past at a brisk pace.

“Commander Shepard, just who I wanted to see. I’d heard you were here, which was great because I was going to send for you anyway,” he told her as she followed him into the elevator.

“Send for me? Why? Is something going on?”

“Yes, but something good. Come, I want to show you what we’ve been working on here.” The elevator doors opened to the docking bay and they walked past several ships until they finally stopped. “This is what I wanted to show you. Here she is: the SSV Normandy.”

Shepard’s mouth fell open in surprise. She had heard about this ship; it was supposed to be cutting-edge, the best of turian and human technology. “I’ve heard about this ship. She’s supposed to be almost invisible in space, perfect for stealth runs.”

Captain Anderson chuckled. “You’ve heard correctly. She’s all that and more. And the best thing is, she’s mine.”

“What about Zander?”

“Removed. Zander and the turian chief engineer has a…disagreement. So, now she’s all mine.” He turned to her with a slight smile on his face. “I’m handpicking my crew, and I want you to be my XO.”

Her eyebrow rose at his pronouncement. “You want me to be your XO on this beautiful ship? I’d be a fool to say no, and I’m no fool.”

Captain Anderson nodded his head decisively. “Good. I have some other people that I’d like to add to the crew, and I love for you to read their files, tell me what you think. I’ve already picked a pilot, or more accurately, I can say that he picked himself.” He began walking out of the docking bay, and Shepard followed, eager to hear what she was sure was the makings of a great story.

“And how did he do that?”

“By hijacking the Normandy and proving why he should be her pilot.”

Shepard stopped walking at that and barked out a laugh. “Wait, he stole the Normandy and you’ve decided to make him her pilot? He must be damn good. Or crazy. Or both.”

“Damn good is correct,” Anderson told her. “He really showed us what the Normandy is capable of. And,” he added, his eyes twinkling, “I feel like I have to reward anyone with the balls to do something that outrageous for a job.”

Shepard laughed again at that, knowing that she was drawing stares. Not many people had the ability to make her laugh. She had a reputation for being curt, even rude. She just saw it as having a low tolerance for bullshit, and unfortunately most people were full of it. 

Captain Anderson lead her into an office, consisting of a large desk with a chair on either side of it. On the desk were multiple datapads, piled precariously and in danger of falling to the floor. Behind the desk was a wall full of windows, letting in natural light and giving the otherwise sterile space a homey, inviting feel. Anderson took his seat behind the desk and then gestured for her to sit in the other seat and handed a datapad to her. “So, I was thinking of Charles Pressly for navigator…,” he began.

For the next hour they poured over datapads. Anderson had a great eye for talent, so mostly she was just the deciding vote for one talented person over another. They’d finalized the pick for navigator, engineering, and medical when Shepard picked up the next datapad to go over.

And was stopped in her tracks.

She knew she was in trouble when her first thought wasn’t, _oh, impressive qualifications_ or _this person has a lot of commendations_ , but instead was, _wow, he’s gorgeous_. Thick black hair that she could imagine running her hands through and a small smile that hinted that he knew something that you didn’t. And those _eyes_. They captured her attention even through the small picture in the corner of the file. 

Anderson looked over to take a peek at the datapad she was busy staring at. “Oh yes, Staff Lieutenant Alenko. I had the pleasure of working with him for a short while in the Traverse.” He tapped the datapad with two fingers. “In fact, he was the second person I thought of, after you.”

Shepard reluctantly pulled her eyes away from the handsome lieutenant’s picture. “Really? He must have really impressed you,” she commented.

“He did. But the reason I thought of him is because I felt that you two would really complement each other.”

“Oh?” she murmured, stealing one more glance at the picture. “What made you think that?”

“Well, he’s the opposite of you, very controlled, very cautious. Almost too cautious. Whereas you make snap decisions and go in blasting.” Anderson chuckled at her sharp look. “Don’t worry, Shepard. I’m not questioning your decision making. In fact, you’re usually right. But I feel like it wouldn’t hurt for you to adopt some of Lieutenant Alenko’s caution, and for him to adopt some of your quick thinking. Don’t get me wrong, he’s very bright and very capable, but I feel like if he let go of some of that iron control, he’d be one to reckon with.”

She looked back at the datapad, this time actually reading some of the information. “A biotic, huh?”

“Yes. Probably why he’s so controlled.”

She nodded her head in understanding. “Yeah, I’ve worked with a few. Great soldiers, excellent fighters. Unfortunately, a lot of people are still scared of them.”

“Well,” Anderson said knowingly, “you’d know a lot about people being scared of you, wouldn’t you?” 

She rolled her eyes. “People act like I’m going to snap and murder them in their sleep. You should’ve seen all the stares and whispers I got when I landed here.”

“Well, don’t let them get to you. The Alliance needs people like you, people who aren’t afraid to make the hard calls when necessary. They owe their freedom to people like you.”

She put the datapad down with a sigh. “Enough of that. I’ll do what I have to do, and damn what anyone else thinks. Let’s get back to the crew.”

He knew when she was done talking about a subject, so he just let it go. “So,” he began, picking up the datapad she just released, “I think that Lieutenant Alenko would be a fine addition to our crew. What do you think?”

For a moment, she hesitated. From what she’d read and what Captain Anderson said, he’d be a wonderful addition to their crew: level headed, intelligent, hell, his technical and medical skills alone would be enough. She knew he must be a good soldier; Captain Anderson was not a man who was easily impressed. But something stopped her. She looked back at the datapad and at the picture on it. _What are you gonna say?,_ she thought ruefully. _That he can’t come on this mission because you’ve never been this attracted to a picture before?_ She was being silly. The Alliance Navy was full of men, and yes, even good-looking ones, and she hadn’t been tempted enough to break regs yet. Plus, he probably wouldn’t catch her attention so much in real life; few did. She meet him, and when she did, she’d think back on this moment and laugh at her undeserved fear.

“Sure, Captain. The lieutenant sounds like he’d fit right in.”


	2. Chapter One

2183 – SSV Normandy

 

Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko looked up at the ship in front of him. He couldn’t believe his luck. Here he was, handpicked by Captain Anderson himself to be on the crew of the SSV Normandy. When he’d met the Captain a few months ago, he didn’t realize that he had captured the man’s attention enough that he would actually want him to serve with him. He didn’t know what he did, but he had done something right.

He’d been greeted by the ship’s pilot, Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau. “Hey, call me Joker,” the man had insisted within two minutes of their meeting. Joker was a wise ass, but he seemed pretty cool. He’d immediately put Kaidan at ease, which was great because Kaidan wasn’t always the best at meeting people. He had a habit of putting his foot in his mouth. _Thirty-two years old,_ he thought, _and you’d think I’d be better with people than I actually am._ He’d met teenagers with more social finesse. 

Thankfully Corporal Richard Jenkins was completely oblivious to his lack of social skills. He’d come up to Kaidan in the mess, and without much encouragement at all told Kaidan about growing up on Eden Prime, his love of space and how that made him decide to enlist, and his excitement about being on the Normandy. Kaidan hadn’t had to add to the conversation at all. It made a nice change of pace from his usual fumbling attempts at conversation.

“And the biggest thing is that Commander Shepard is gonna be on board! Can you believe it!” Jenkins exclaimed with all the enthusiasm that he felt about….well, everything. 

“Commander Shepard?” Kaidan asked. The name rang a bell, but he couldn’t quite place it.

“Yeah, you know Commander Shepard!” Jenkins looked around and then leaned forward, whispering, “You know, the Butcher of Torfan? I’ve heard she’s a bit of a hard ass. Don’t want to get on her bad side.”

Kaidan frowned. He remembered hearing about her now. A few years ago, she’d sent most of her squad to their death fighting batarians in close quarters. He remembered thinking at the time that she must be a hell of an officer to not only order her squad to certain death, but for them to follow without question. “Yeah, I remember her now. So, she’s part of the crew huh?”

“Not just part of the crew, but Captain Anderson’s XO! Can you believe it? We have TWO legends on board. This is gonna be awesome!” Jenkins practically vibrated in his seat he was so excited. “This is my first real post, you know? I don’t think that anything else after this is gonna compare, you know?”

Kaidan understood. He was a little excited himself to be on board. They were making history with the SSV Normandy. He’d looked around and talked with the engineer, Adams, and was amazed at the design of the ship. He nodded along with Jenkins’ excited proclamations as she grabbed another serving of lunch. Jenkins kept talking as he ate, but looked at him funnily after her pulled out a protein bar after his second (large) helping and scarfed that down too.

“Wow. I’d be huge if I ate like you. How do you eat like that and not weigh, like a ton?” Jenkins asked curiously.

Kaidan kept chewing as the protein bar turned to sawdust in his mouth. This was the moment he always hated. Should he admit that he was a biotic or say something pithy to ward off any other questions? He swallowed his mouthful as he though. _Might as well get it over with_ , he decided. _People always find out anyway, so at least if he wants to avoid me, he can start doing that now_.

“I have a heightened metabolism due to my biotics,” he admitted, waiting for the moment that Jenkins looked at him with fear and walked off. Instead, Jenkins looked at him with awe in his eyes.

“You’re a biotic? Oh man! I’ve never met a biotic before! Is it true that you can throw things with your mind?!”

Kaidan’s mouth fell open in surprise. This was an unexpected outcome. People either looked at him like he was a freak or were cool, but aloof about it. This excitement about his biotics was a new thing. 

“Um, it’s a little more complicated than that. But basically, yes.”

Jenkins jumped up, pulling Kaidan up with him. “That is the coolest thing I’ve ever heard! Hey, how about you throw me down the hall here? I wanna see this in action!”

By this time they had gathered a small audience. Jenkins was telling them how Kaidan was going to pick him up and throw him down the hall with his mind. His enthusiasm was infectious, and suddenly people were clamoring for Kaidan to show them what he could do.

“Jenkins, um, I don’t think this is a good idea...,” he tried to protest. Jenkins wasn’t hearing that though. He looked at Kaidan, his face pleading. “No, man, you’ve got to! You’ve got like, superhero powers! You’ve got to show them off!”

Kaidan was lost in that face of that much enthusiasm. Maybe he could just do a little throw. “Okay,” he relented, “but just once.”

“Yes!” crowed Jenkins as he pumped his fist. “I’ll just stand right here…”

The crowd moved to the side as Jenkins bounced excitedly in front of him. Kaidan called up his biotics, his entire body lighting up in blue flame, as he gave a little push…

Jenkins flew backward at least ten feet and landed on his back. _Shit, shit, shit_! Kaidan thought. God, was he hurt? Had he killed him? Kaidan knew he shouldn’t have done this! He was in the middle of castigating himself when Jenkins popped up, seeming unharmed, a huge smile on his face.

“That was AWESOME!!” he proclaimed. Applause broke out from the crew members gathered around.

Kaidan blew out a relieved breath. That was close. He opened his mouth to say something when his omni-tool beeped with a message. Captain Anderson wanted to meet with him in the briefing room. He made his excuses and then made his way to the meeting. 

“Ah! There you are!” Captain Anderson greeted him when he walked into the room. “I don’t think you’ve had the pleasure of meeting our XO yet, have you? Lieutenant Alenko, meet Commander Shepard. Commander Shepard, Lieutenant Alenko.”

Kaidan saluted the Captain and then looked towards the Commander.

And then time stopped. 

He didn’t know what he had been expecting. Some time-worn, grizzled Marine probably. Not this. Commander Shepard was a tall woman, stern looking. Her beautiful dark brown skin went well with the dark blue of their BDU’s. Her hair was buzzed short, close to the skull. Instead of detracting from her beauty, it added to it, making her face stand out even more. She had large beautifully shaped dark brown eyes that didn’t seem to miss a thing. A large flat scar, probably an old burn mark traveled from one cheek, over her nose, to the other cheek, and maybe lesser men had deemed it ugly, but he felt that it just signified that this woman was a survivor.

And that _mouth_.

He knew that he was gonna have dreams about that mouth tonight. It was plump and perfectly shaped, almost pouty. Even the hard set of her frown couldn’t take away from the lusciousness of it. He though about how that mouth would feel against his, how it would look as he slid his dick inside…

“Don’t you think, Lieutenant?” Captain Anderson’s voice cut into his fantasies and he realized that he had no idea what the man had been talking about.

“Um, yes sir,” he choked out, hoping that was the right answer. 

Commander Shepard stepped toward him then, grabbing his attention again. “I’ve heard great things about you, Lieutenant. I look forward to us serving together.”

God, it was bad enough that her mouth was so sexy, but then she opened it and her voice was sexy too, a low, husky thing that he wanted to hear screaming his name in passion.

“Um, yes, Commander, I feel the same way. It’s an honor to serve under you.”

For a moment he thought he saw some emotion flash in her eyes, but she was back to her impassive look so quickly that he was sure that he imagined it. The three of them talked for a little longer about their goals on this cruise and some ideas to better utilize the crew, when he was finally dismissed.

_Time for a cold shower,_ he thought.

2183-Normandy crew quarters

_Shit, shit, shit!_ Shepard couldn’t wait until she and Anderson had finished with their one-on-ones (or two-on-ones, actually), so she could retreat to the safety of her bunk. Looking around and seeing no one else present, she threw herself on her bunk dramatically and looked despairingly at the ceiling above.

_I knew this would be a problem. This is why I always go with my gut,_ she mused. But how was she to know that Lt. Alenko would be even MORE attractive in reality than he was in his picture? That was completely unfair!

When he came in to the briefing room, Shepard swore she stopped breathing. The picture did justice to his gorgeous face, but those eyes were even more arresting in person. But the picture didn’t show his beautiful arms or his fantastic ass. And it certainly didn’t feature his voice! When he told her that he was looking forward to serving under her, she almost told him that the best way to do so would be on his knees. He sounded like a dirty weekend, one in which you didn’t bother to put on any clothes, because you weren’t getting out of bed. That thought led her to think about how he looked without his clothes…

_NO! Focus!_

And on top of that…he was a little shy. It was endearing. She shook her head as if that could shake off the memory. She couldn’t feel this way. He was her subordinate. Next time they had some shore leave, she should find someone to take home. She’d gone two whole years without sex, and obviously it had taken its toll. The problem was, she was so rarely attracted to anyone. She was usually just fine with the orgasms she gave herself. Some people may see it as a lonely life, but it suited her just fine. She had never been someone who needed people, even when she was young. And now that her entire family was gone…well, she had gotten used to being a lone wolf. She could get over this. It was just an attraction. She might not have them a lot, but she could ignore this one. It wasn’t worth it. 

She would be her normal, professional aloof self. Her reputation as a ruthless loner had been well earned, and she would need every bit of it now. She’s deal with this for now, and then in a few days, weeks at most, it would pass and she’d see him as her lieutenant without wanting to unfasten his pants with her teeth.

Yes, that was it. She’d get over this. It wasn’t like she’d met the love of her life or anything. All she needed was time.


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, I've borrowed some of the Mass Effect dialogue. In this story, some of the dialogue will be used as it is, and some of it will be changed up, as you will see in this chapter. I've decided to flesh out Shepard's background more, since I find it painful in the game when everyone's giving Shepard their life stories and are getting nothing in return! Also here, you will see some of my Ashley Williams hate. I don't know why, but she always rubbed me so wrong in the game, and I always enjoyed having my Shepard be as mean to her as possible.

2183-Citadel

Commander Shepard was reminded of an ancient Chinese curse that someone told her a long time ago, “May you live in interesting times.” Well, _interesting_ had certainly had been one word for the last couple of days. _Complete clusterfuck_ was another. 

She’d known something was fishy when they picked up that Spectre, Nihlus. Hell, the whole crew knew something was up. She couldn’t blame them for giving her the side eye when she told them that everything was under control and all they needed to do was follow orders. Even the greenest Private knew that a shakedown cruise didn’t need a Spectre. They were the highest echelon of agents, given free reign by the Council to complete their mission as they saw fit. Most people would go their whole lives without ever meeting one. So of course, having one onboard the Normandy had everyone on high alert, even her.

She had been surprised when Captain Anderson told her that Nihlus was there to evaluate her for entrance into the Spectres. Even though she felt that she could do without the posturing and the pandering that would come with being humanity’s first Spectre, she was more than a little flattered that she was being considered. Nihlus was going to evaluate her on a series of missions, the first being the procurement of a Prothean beacon on the beautiful colony of Eden Prime. 

Of course, the entire thing went to hell in a handbasket.

They’d ended up with a dead Spectre, his murderer having been another Spectre (who was purported to be one of the best), a dead corporal, some gunnery chief on her ship that she didn’t want to bring at all, and her with these weird visions in her head that she’s gotten from the aforementioned beacon. 

Oh yeah, and don’t forget, sentient machines called Reapers were coming to kill them.

It hadn’t been a good week.

Oh, and she was now the first human Spectre.

The only bright side in all of this had been Lt. Alenko. He’d been everything his files had said he was: competent, calm under fire, and his biotics were some of the most powerful she’d ever seen, even with him obviously holding back. His only mistake was when he got too close to the beacon, and she had to push him out of the way, triggering those visions, but she could admit that he had no idea that was going to happen. Anyway, she’d been a little harsh on him for that, but he took it with grace.

Unfortunately, she was getting to see other parts of him too besides the competent no- nonsense soldier. Parts that she liked a little too much. Like when she punched that crazy scientist and he remarked, dry as toast, “Maybe that was a little extreme, Commander.” He was a little judgmental, but she could hear the small smile behind it and realized that that was wit that he has hiding behind the milquetoast exterior. On top of everything else, he didn’t need to be witty too. She was having a hard enough time reminding herself of all the reasons that she should keep her hands off the lieutenant. 

So, now here they were, at the Citadel, looking out at the Wards after having added a turian C-Sec officer, a quarian on her Pilgrimage, and a krogan mercenary to the crew. The gunnery chief, Ashley Williams, was along for the ride, and Shepard couldn’t put her finger on why, but the woman really irked her. Her earlier comment about not being able to tell the aliens for the animals really bothered Shepard. Shepard hated such ignorant views. Because of her background, people assumed that she agreed with such xenophobic views. But aliens, no matter what, were just people, and people could be good and bad. You couldn’t base an entire species off of one person or even just a few of them. She didn’t hate all batarians just because she had been acquainted with some of the worse of them.

As they looked out of the window at the lights of the Citadel, Shepard marveled at how big this place was. Then, as if echoing her thoughts, Lt. Alenko remarked, “Big place!”

Williams smirked, “That your professional opinion, sir?”

Shepard rolled her eyes at Williams’ response. It WAS a big place. “How can they keeps tabs on all this?” she wondered aloud. “The Presidium might as well be on another planet.”

“There is definitely a gap between their presentation and what’s here,” Alenko added. “Tracking arrivals must be a nightmare.”

“This makes Jump Zero look like a porta-john,” Williams commented. “And it’s the largest deep space station the Alliance has.”

Alenko nodded. “Jump Zero was big. But this is a whole ‘nother scale. How do they keep all that mass from flying apart?”

Shepard listened, her interest peaking at Alenko’s knowledge of Jump Zero. Gagarin Station had mostly been used for dangerous experiments. How did Alenko know so much about it? There was a story there. She then shook her head, bemused. She already was too interested in Alenko. The last thing she needed to do was ask him about his life. She brought her thoughts back to the conversation. “No wonder the Council treats us like outsiders. We’d be just another drop in a bucket they already can’t carry.”

Williams couldn’t help the unladylike snort that escaped her. “They must figure us for one more gang of FNG’s looking for a handout.”

“I doubt it’s personal,” interjected Alenko, the voice of reason, “It’s got to be a balancing act, like every other government.”

“Why not?” Shepard burst out, feeling a little goofy. “We’ve got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids, we have everything they want.”

She was completely not prepared when Alenko gave a small chuckle and said unthinkingly, “Well when you put it that way, there’s no reason they wouldn’t like you.”

She’d never understood the expression, “you could hear a pin drop” until right then. It was like all the sound just emptied out of the Wards. She looked up at Alenko in shock, watching as he turned from her, his face turning bright red as he scrambled to correct himself. “I mean, us. Humans. Ma’am.”

Next to her, Williams was shaking with silent laughter. “You don’t take much shore leave, do you LT?” she joked. 

Shepard was glad that her dark skin hid her full body flush, but she could feel how hot her face was. She tried to cover up her embarrassment by barking out, “I’ll let it slide, Lieutenant, but try to control yourself.” 

Alenko looked at her and then away again. “Aye aye, ma’am.”

She couldn’t wait to get into her cabin. She knew what she’d seen for that moment he glanced at her before he looked away again. _Desire_. Lt. Kaidan Alenko was just as attracted to her as she was to him. And she knew that these times were about to get even more interesting than they’d been before.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

2183-Normandy

Kaidan sat down in the mess and put his face in his hands. Had he actually said that to her? How stupid could he get? He just hoped that she would show pity on him and ignore his stupid mouth. Unfortunately, he could foresee many other foot-in-mouth situations before this tour was up. He’d always been hopelessly awkward when he was attracted to someone, and he’d never been as attracted to anyone as he was to Commander Shepard. Not only was she beautiful, but she was tough and competent and determined. He shoveled some food into his mouth, barely tasting it as he thought of her, how she looked on the field, fierce and deadly.

He was startled out of his thoughts when someone sat down across from him. 

“Up late, huh?”

He looked up to see the Commander as if he had conjured her. She was wearing a N7 tank top and Alliance sweatpants, and looked rumpled from sleep. He almost groaned aloud when he realized this soft-from-sleep Commander Shepard would now be making an appearance in his fantasies. He then remembered that she’d asked him a question. 

“Um, yeah. I got hungry, so I decided to have a midnight snack. You?”

She cradled a cup of coffee between her hands, and added five packets of sugar to it. “I fell asleep while doing reports. I woke up with a crick in my neck, and still a million other reports to do, so I decided to get a cup of coffee before I tackle the rest.” She took a sip and grimaced. “I need the caffeine, but I swear, I will never get used to the taste.”

“I hate to break it to you, Commander, but what you have there isn’t coffee, it’s coffee flavored sugar.” Kaidan teased. H was surprised when she laughed at the comment. She smiled at him, and it lit up her entire face. Kaidan felt like he couldn’t breathe for a moment as he marveled at how beautiful she was.

“I’ve heard that before. My father used to tell me when I was younger that coffee was an acquired taste, but I haven’t acquired it yet.”

“You’re from Mindoir, right?” he asked, before he remembered what happened at Mindoir and winced at asking such a thoughtless question. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up…”

She waved him off, stopping him mid-sentence. “It’s ok, Alenko. I’ve dealt with that. Yes, I’m from Mindoir. I was actually born on Earth, but my parents relocated a few months after I was born to become farmers. My father always said that he had a pioneer spirit. My mother, not so much.”

He was amazed that she was telling him this. No one seemed to know much about the Commander, even though he’d heard that she was very good at getting people to tell her their life stories. “What kind of farm did you have?”

She looked at him, bemused. “You know, I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me that. Pigs and chickens, mostly. My father also made moonshine in the barn. To tell you the truth, the moonshine was probably more profitable than the animals.” She took another sip of her coffee, and sat back in her chair. “So, what about you, Alenko? Where do you call home?”

“Um, Canada. Vancouver, to be exact.” He told her. “My parents have an inland home there that matured to new beachfront.”

“I’m sorry, what? ‘An inland home that matured to new beachfront’? That is way too fancy for a colonial girl like me. So, what you’re telling me is that your family has money.”

He frowned. He’d never thought of it like that before. “Um, I guess? We’re not rich or anything, but we do okay. My father was an officer in the Alliance, but he retired when I was young. Now he runs the family business with my uncle. His family has an orchard in the BC interior. Apples.”

The Commander sat forward, seemingly interested in what was to him, a very boring story. “And you decided to follow in his footsteps and join the Alliance? Didn’t want to run an orchard?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “No, I can’t see myself running the orchard. My cousin runs an agribusiness; he’d be much better suited for it. It took me a while to decide on this career, but once I did, I was all in.”

She was way too perceptive for her own good, and he knew she’d heard what he didn’t say. She took another small sip before she continued. “I saw that. You’re a few years older than I am, but you didn’t join until a year after I did. Why the gap?”

He took a deep breath. “Well, there was an incident…no, let me not start with that. I told you that my father retired when I was young…well, when my mother was pregnant with me, they were stationed in Singapore. There was a huge transport crash…and the transport was carrying element zero.” He gave a dark chuckle. “Nobody knew anything about human biotics those days. Hell, it took a while to even link element zero and biotics. Out of a hundred children exposed, sixty of them will show no signs, about another thirty will get something like brain cancer, and the remaining ten…well, you’re looking at one of those ten. So, in ’60, Conatix set up Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training, also called BAaT. But to the kids they hauled in, it was Brain Camp. Wait, hauled in is unkind. We were ‘encouraged to commit to an evaluation of our abilities, so an understanding of biotics could be compiled’. It was…well, it didn’t end well. Afterwards, I was a mess. I didn’t know what to do with my life. So, I floated around a little until I figured things out and decided that I wanted to do some good. So, I joined. What about you? What made you want to join?”

Her face darkened a little as she took in the question. “How much do you know about Mindoir? About the raid?”

“Um, not much. Just that batarian slavers killed or enslaved most of the colonists.”

She nodded. “Yes, that’s true. What’s also true is that the Alliance got pinned down by the raiders and couldn’t make it to us. They could see us and we could see them, but no one could get through. After they killed my family and burned down the farm, I decided that if they couldn’t make it to me, I’d make it to them. It took me three days. I was a mess when I finally made it there. After I made it, this gunnery chief told me that I should join the Alliance, cause I was the toughest person he’d ever met, and that I’d make a hell of a marine. It’s funny, before then, I always thought I’d be like my mother, a housewife raising children on a farm. But after that…I was different. I was tough. And that life didn’t suit me anymore. So, I decided, why not. I enlisted as soon as I could.”

Kaidan just stared at her, amazed. He didn’t know why she was telling him this, but he was sure that he was hearing a story that she didn’t tell to too many people. He couldn’t help blurting out, “You’re amazing.”

They locked eyes and just stared at each other for a moment. Kaidan found himself breathing hard as if he had just run a marathon. He knew then that he had to have this woman. He had no idea how, and he knew that the regs would be a problem, but he knew that if he let her slip through his fingers, then he would regret it for the rest of his life. 

Abruptly, she stood up, ending the moment. “I should go. Reports wait for no man.” She turned away and Kaidan felt bereft at her abrupt dismissal, but then she turned back as if she changed her mind. “I really enjoyed our talk, Kaidan. I try to get to know my crew, but I don’t tend to enjoy it as much as I have with you. If you want, well, I’m usually out here around this time every night. You know, if you’d like to continue these talks. But no pressure. It’s completely up to you.”

He knew he’d be there the next night with bells on. He felt like jumping up and shouting, but he managed to answer with a subdued, “I’d like that.”

She gave him another one of those smiles. “Great.” She turned and then stopped and said in a voice so low he wondered if he heard her wrong, “By the way, Kaidan, you’re pretty amazing too.” Then she walked off, his eyes following her as she retreated into her cabin. 

Kaidan sat there for a moment, dazed. She'd called him by his first name, not once but twice. And she'd told him that he was amazing. Tonight, he'd seen a completely different side to his hard-ass Commander. He had no idea what happened, but he was sure of one thing. His life from now on would never be the same.


End file.
